im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
