plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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