Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
