Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
