hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
