Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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