dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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