My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
