His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
