I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
