So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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