My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
