my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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