I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
