I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dignity is for republicans.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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