do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
