i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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