So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
