I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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