toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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