Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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