Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
