RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
