so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
