Is it because I queefed?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
