You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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