By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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