Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
