There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
