so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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