they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
