A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
