bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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