i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
