Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
