return my video game
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
