I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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