i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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