I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
