I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
