Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
