Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
