She's like a pop up book from hell.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
