I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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