I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
