He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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