His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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