when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
