youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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