Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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