You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
