I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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