ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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