singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
