She's JV to your varsity
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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