So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Enjoy the penises
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
