smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
