How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
