You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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