I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Randomize
